Holler Poodles!

Love is in the air and you can just smell it! I was just at the bar and I was groping saw a guy making out with another guy with his hands down his pants. Ewwwww! Do you know how nasty that is? not to wash your hands when the smell hits your nose! People openly gasped gagged! I mean really, people. Have some decorum! Just because you are in love or lust doesn’t mean I want to see you making out in a public space! without mesave that for BJ Roosters or the Eagle.

The idea of public sex really excites appalls my ladyman sensibilities. Although, alledgedly, there was this one time at bandcamp… and I was at a little known bar called Backstreet(s)(k)!! In those days, 19aught2 I was a drag queen named Cherry Pitts who was tall, thin and blonde. Somehow, someway, straight guys loved talking trying to see if they could get some head to me. Anywho, I was with my best friend Kelly and this really hot guy started talking to me and one thing led to another his dick accidentally on purpose fell out of his pants into my hands and he may have spooged into a napkin I previously used to blow my nose. After he got off my number, he scampered off and Kelly and I watched as the bartender grabbed the napkin and squeezed it as he threw it away! Ewwwww. There’s no telling what kind of DNA lurked in that napkin but I think a new strain of bacteria was formed. called streptomucospermocide Kelly and I wrestled with whether we should tell the bartender about the crime scene he had on his hands but we decided the alcohol should kill most of the germs.

Surprisingly, I never heard back from him so I went to a convent and spent a lot of time on my knees praying for for guidance and looking for the men’s room. Then it hit me on the side of my face and I realized that while thrilling, public encounters were just wrong if you get caught!.

You can’t go looking for love in a bathroom stall. Love must find you in a sex club or a chance Grindr meeting.

So I say raise a glass to love and have a shot of penicillan on me. Happy VD poodles.

Love and lashes,

MEP

If you have any feedback comments or questions, please email me at maryedith99@gmail.com. Twitter @maryedithpitts

 

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